im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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