can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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