Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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