Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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