Taylor Swift is so right about you.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
