I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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