so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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