he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
