Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
