The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize