well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
