In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
