me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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