I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
