I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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