You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
