i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
