If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
