In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
