I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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