mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
