After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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