I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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