My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
