yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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