My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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