what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize