My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
