Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
