just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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