i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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