I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
