I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize