If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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