I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
