He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Betty ford says i'm here all night
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
