After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize