I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
