Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
