so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
