Tell her she can't have a vagina
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
