it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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