there was a trapeze. enough said
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
