Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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