I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
