I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
