Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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