how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
