I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
