I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
