We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
