My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
