Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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