fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
