you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
When are your genitals available?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
