i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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