I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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