I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
