someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I could fuck to npr.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize