I never want to see another naked old woman again.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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