I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
