I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
