haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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