im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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