I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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