On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
