My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
