For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
