So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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