she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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