Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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