These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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