It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
