i don't like sucking hair
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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