I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
