he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
