woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
