my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
