TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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