You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
