weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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